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Who’s got the guppy? 0

Dear Bradshaw,

Last night while I was trying to sleep, Jimi climbed onto my head and then stretched out across my face. Sleeping like that used to be a challenge but I’ve since gotten used to it. Why I put up with such behavior I can’t say. I guess I just love animals or, more specifically, my animal.

At the moment she’s here in my lap, emerald green eyes glowing as I type with one hand. I’m telling you, Shaw, sometimes I think this cat is smarter than most humans. There’s a gleam in her eyes, intelligence in her expression. In fact, I’m starting to suspect Jimi’s a genius, and I mean by human standards.

For example, a few minutes ago when she sauntered over and plopped down on my lap, as I shifted my computer into a more comfortable position, Jimi looked up at me, and said, “What the problem? Think I’m gonna goose it?”

Not with words, of course, but that’s what I understood. I’m telling you, Shaw, actions speak louder than words, and it’s not just that. She does other things, too. Like last night Francesca asked me a question and before I could open my mouth Jimi meowed the answer. Not an easy question like “Where’s the wax?” or “Who’s got the guppy?” but a sophisticated question about the minimum velocity required for a space shuttle to overcome the earth’s gravitational pull and the importance of its aerodynamic shape. Make no mistake, buddy, Jimi’s brilliant.

She’s on her feet now, harassing a blue stringy thing we bought at a local pet shop and hung from the ceiling. Now she’s bouncing across the floor and leaping at a plastic fish that dangles from the bookshelf at the end of a string. Another toy we’ve planted for her home entertainment.

You said you like to hear about Jimi so I’ll describe, as best as I can, some of her silly antics.

1) THE PANTHER is when Jimi sneaks into the room and then, with unblinking eyes, she crosses across the floor as if stalking an unsuspecting bird. She moves in slow motion, stealthily, advancing by the millimeter. The event climaxes when, a hand’s length away, she leaps at us. Crossing six feet of floor once took her a full five minutes.

2) THE CRAZY KANGAROO is when she arches her back as if electrified, turns sideways, and then jackhammers up and down on all four legs. This is her way of indicating that she wants to play. She pretends to be afraid but wants to be chased.

3) THE LEAPING LUNATIC is when she leaps into the air, lands sprawling on the ground, and then jumps up and runs away. This usually occurs when you turn a corner and she thinks she has caught you off guard. She doesn’t attack, just leaps in the air like a lunatic.

I’ve been trying to get these scenes on video but knowing when she’s going to perform is impossible, and when she does, well, the show is over by the time I have the camera in hand.

Oh, well, whatever, right?

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