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Selling books by the page 0

Dear Bradshaw,

            I only recently found out you’re supposed to put one space between sentences when writing on computer. Can you believe that? All this time I’ve been putting two, just like they taught me in school, and then somebody went and changed the rules and didn’t tell me. What I want to know is 1) who’s responsible, and 2) why wasn’t I informed? Here I’ve been writing on a computer for two decades and only now, two days ago to be exact, does it come to my attention that I’ve been doing it all wrong. This causes me to consider many other things, Bradshaw buddy. For example, should I still discourage children from playing with matches? Is it no longer okay to light cats on fire? Was Stalin the bloodthirsty dictator history reveals him to be, or have the history books been rewritten to portray him as a heart-warming philanthropist?

            I gotta tell you, Shaw, my mind’s spinning like a pinwheel and, meanwhile, what’s next? Have they rearranged the alphabet so that x comes after y? Are books going to be printed with their words written from right to left, like Hebrew and Arabic, or up and down like Chinese? Are they planning to turn the letters around so that we’ll have to read them backwards in a mirror? How would I know? And how will I know? I don’t watch TV or read newspapers or magazines, so unless they send smoke signals into the Roman sky, I’m out of luck. One space instead of two, heck! Why stop there? They should start selling books by the page, or invent one written language that incorporates every word and every letter in every alphabet in the world, past, present and future.

            On another note: Jimi seems to have figured out that our food is our food, her food is her food, and our food is not her food. But actually that’s both good and bad. Good, because she leaves us alone when we eat, but bad because her fancy tricks — the ones I wrote you about before — were much fun and will be sorely missed. I think in the beginning she thought she was one of us, human I mean, but now she understands what it means to be a cat. What does it mean? It means you get to sleep all day, roam around the house looking for something to kick around or claw, eat whenever you want, no bills, no rent, no chores, nothing to do but roll on your back and meow.


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