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Licking myself clean 0

Yo Shaw,

            More bathroom business… While in the shower this morning, after I’d washed the soap out of my eyes, lo and behold! who did I find next to me? Jimi. I’ve told you she follows me wherever I go but this was the first time in the shower and I’ve been wondering what she was doing in there. Supervising my personal hygiene? Appraising my manliness? Confirming that the conditioner remained in my hair for more than a minute?

            You might be thinking, “So what? Your cat jumped into the tub while you were taking a shower. What are you telling me for?”

            Hold your horses, Shaw, and I’ll get to the point. You see we discipline her with a squirt bottle. When I catch her gnawing on a book cover or digging her nails into the couch’s upholstery, I squirt her with water and say, “No!” So far we’ve had great success. She tends to learn the lesson after only a few squirts. But now it seems my method has backfired. Because if she’s not afraid of water, how can I discipline her with it?

            I know you and I know what you’re thinking = this could be a good thing. After all, if she continues to adopt human habits, perhaps she’ll start using the toilet and flushing, and wouldn’t that be wonderful, especially because I could cross cat litter off my grocery list. In fact, maybe Jimi could be taught to make the bed, to do the dishes and laundry, vacuum. Or else she could get a job, earn some dough, and contribute to the monthly rent and bills. Right?

            Wrong! Come on, Shaw, we don’t want a cat that cooks and cleans. We want a cuddly little creature that purrs when we pet her and, as she is now, curls up in a ball to sleep with the tip of her tail tucked beneath her furry head. That’s the problem, and that’s my question. How can I get Jimi out of the shower and back to licking herself clean? I thought about licking myself clean for a few minutes every morning, only for a couple weeks, you know, to set her straight, but the problem is that I can’t lick my crotch like she can, and if I could, well, I’d be at it right now.

            Anyway, I’m open to suggestions. Get back to me at your convenience and thanks in advance.

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