Archive January 2009

As easy as 2 + 2 0

Dear Bradshaw,

While I was showering with Francesca the other day (nothing x-rated, we were in a rush), she noticed that I washed the conditioner out of my hair seconds after having rubbed it in, and said, “No, no, no, you’ve got to leave it in longer. Like that, it doesn’t do any good.”

“Come on,” I said. “What difference does it make?”

But this morning I tried it and I have to admit, my hair feels softer, fuller, and much more pliable. Meanwhile, some of that jojoba must have seeped into my scalp and been absorbed by my brain because I can also think more clearly and understand concepts that had previously been beyond my grasp. For example, I just browsed through Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and for the first time in my life the mathematical equations and scientific formulas made perfect sense, as easy as 2 + 2. Also, more spiritual issues like the nature of the universe and the meaning of existence are no longer mysteries but more like nursery rhymes to me. continue reading »

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A carton of orange juice 0

Dear Bradshaw,

            My buddy Paolo has a dog named Blast. Blast is unusually large (almost a mutant) and practically the size of a pony.

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Yesterday, Paolo came over to fix the axle on Francesca’s car. While working, up to his elbows in grease, he asked for a glass of juice. I was out, had just been to the store and lazily tried to talk him into a cup of water. Paolo mumbled something about vitamins and nutrition and then suggested I take Blast.

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† “Why?” I asked, “Does he need to be walked?” continue reading »

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