Archive November 2008

Grooming the royal pets 0

Dear Bradshaw,

Today we be going to a wedding. The ceremony will take place in a church and the reception in a bona fide 13th century castle complete with moat and dungeon. I’m looking forward to it. I’ve been thinking about building my own castle and being king with subjects and servants and stuff but first I want to be sure the lifestyle suits me. You know how it is = king, castle, collecting taxes, drinking out of goblets, having feasts, and sentencing traitors to be tortured. That kind of life can grate on the nerves after the first few decades. Plus, there’s always the threat of revolt and having my head chopped off. continue reading »

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How loose is your goose? 0

Dear Bradshaw,

            Did that guard really call you Butthead? Unbelievable. He’s taunting you partner. Ignore him. He must be jealous about something. Maybe he wishes he had your muscles or your soap collection. People often put other people down to make themselves feel better. Next time he calls you a name, say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” Regarding what you said the last time: “I know you are but what am I?” That type of response encourages chaos. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. continue reading »

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A buffoon, a social catastrophe 0

Dear Bradshaw,

            Yesterday, I made a fool of myself to the nth degree. In fact, ‘fool’ is an understatement. I was an unparalleled putz.

            While unlocking the front door to our apartment complex, I saw a lady heading up the sidewalk carrying two grocery bags. Not sure if she was passing by or lived in our building, I hesitated, holding the door open. Sure enough, she thanked me and then passed through the threshold. After we entered the elevator, I closed the outer and inner doors and she immediately pressed the button for the eighth floor and I wondered how she knew where I lived. As the elevator lifted, it occurred to me she might be the lady I’d seen once, six months ago, who lives above me on the ninth floor. continue reading »

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Full steam ahead 0

Dear Bradshaw,

            Nearing the end of my last lesson, it started pouring outside. Pouring is an understatement. It was coming down as if all the water in all the world was raining on Rome. Thunder, lightning, the whole shebang. It was a private lesson so I was at my student’s apartment and when he asked if I wanted to stay there until the rain stopped, I declined the offer. A mistake? Maybe. continue reading »

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