Archive October 2008

A bag of marshmallows 0

Dear Bradshaw,

            I gotta say, brother, I’m getting older. You may think 37 ain’t so old but seriously it’s getting to the point where I breathe in and my back aches. Meanwhile, when I get out of bed in the morning my joints crack like a pack of firecrackers. If I sleep in an awkward position or overexert myself while exercising, pain strikes and stays. Used to be I could take a punch: skin my knee, stub my toe, fall down a flight of stairs and then get up as if I’d fallen on a bag of marshmallows. Those days are over. Remember I told you, maybe five months ago I was suffering from a kink in the neck? Still am. Incredible, isn’t it? If I were eighteen, it would have healed before it had happened. continue reading »

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Your mother’s maiden name 0

Yo Shaw,

            I’m having one of those days. Trying to figure things out, you know, everything, all of it. Why can I count by ones, twos, fives and tens but not sixteens or seventeens? Meanwhile, life’s too technical for me, too complicated. I can’t keep up. There are too many things to think about: social security number, driver’s license, tax forms, credit cards, passport, bills, keys, wallet, business cards, deodorant, soap, shampoo, toothpaste, tweezers… If it had been up to me to invent the wheel, we’d all still be walking. continue reading »

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Paint it pinker 0


            That story you wrote in your last letter about the guy with the tattoo of a mouth on his stomach and how he started stuffing oatmeal into his bellybutton made me laugh so much that I swallowed my gum and I wasn’t even chewing gum. I especially loved that picture you drew of yourself sitting in church. Judging by the eyes of that stick figure leading the hymn I’d say your pastor is a pirate. continue reading »

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To feed the hungry and house the homeless 0

Dear Bradshaw,

            Would you give up a lung for world peace? Would you lose a kidney to feed the hungry and house the homeless? If I asked you for your arms to cure cancer and your legs to give sight to the blind, would you be willing? What would you do, Bradshaw, really? continue reading »

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The next lousy leader 0

Dear Bradshaw,

            I am right now drinking wine and… “Ah, ha!” you say. “Drinking wine, as always! Why don’t you tell me something new? I’m getting bored of your letters and reading about the same stuff every time. Next you’re going to tell me Jimi’s by your side, sleeping or pawing or gnawing your nipples.” continue reading »

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